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 My
name, Carole, means "song of joy". I can't remember a time when
singing was not important to me. So it was inevitable that I would
love chanting once I was introduced to it by some friends.
I chant because chanting
makes me happy, and I'm happy because I chant. I always find that even if I've had a crappy day, there
is a change that comes over me when I chant. I can be in the worst
mood, or totally ticked off about something, and after chanting for a
few minutes, a smile comes to my face and I can feel my whole body
beaming. Chanting makes me realize that things are never as bad as they
seem and whatever has happened in my day, is not really important in
the larger scheme of things. It centers me so that I put all of that
aside and once again realize and remember that God lies within me and
that I love myself. And when you have love, none of the day to day
stuff that comes our way really matters. It took me quite a while to reach
this point. I also find that letting go has become much easier for me.
Chanting enabled me to get through what was the worst part of my
life. In January, 2005, I caught a virus from a co-worker. I was being
treated for three weeks for bronchitis. When I returned to my doctor's
office for the third time, and still feeling no better despite
the antibiotics I was taking, I had to see a different doctor as mine was
not in that day. He decided that a chest x-ray was in order and when
the results came back, the x-ray showed that I had an enlarged heart.
I was sent to a cardiologist and in one day I went from having
bronchitis to having severe congestive heart failure. I was definitely in the "Why is this happening to ME??" state. After an
emergency echocardiogram, I was told that I had to go into the hospital
for a heart catheterization. Now, I am a person who had always said
that if I ever got sick and had to go to a hospital, that people around
me were to just let me die as I'd rather die than go into a hospital.
At this point, I didn't know if I was going to live or die. The only
thing I knew for sure was that I was a very sick person, and the
medical people around me were all looking at me with that "this is
really serious" look on their faces.
Thankfully, I only had to wait a day to go in for my heart cath. I knew
that I somehow had to get through all of this. A short while before
this happened, I had been introduced to the music of Krishna Das. My
favorite chant was "Om Namah Shivaya" and I knew that I needed to
chant. Praying in the way I
was raised was just not doing it for me. When I chanted, I calmed
down and was able to focus on the chant and put aside the medical
issues.
When
I went to the hospital it was with my CD player and my Krishna Das CDs. I thought
they'd let me take the CD player to the operating room, but the nurse said that
wasn't permitted. So I said "then you'll have to listen to me
sing". He laughed and said that was OK :-) On the operating table, I hummed "Om Namah Shivaya" and sang the words
in my head. It kept me calm. I will forever be grateful to Krishna Das for that chant. It
has a very special place in my heart.
Three years have passed since then and I'm doing much better
health wise. My cardiologist says it's the medications, my friend says
it's the crystal she gave me, and I say it's the chanting. I have to
attribute at least part of my recuperation to the peacefulness that
chanting gave me. Chanting has definitely changed my life.
I went to see Krishna Das lead kirtan for the first time in October, 2005 in
Seattle. It was a wonderful experience. During a very long Hare
Krishna, I saw a beautiful white light in front of me. My Mom (who
passed away in 1996) was in the center of the light looking absolutely
radiant. At that point, I was feeling better than I had been, but
still was not well. Mom told me that they were all waiting for me
on the other side, but it was not my time yet. I asked her if my little
dog was with her as he had passed away two years before she did. She
reached down and when she came back up, my precious Sheltie was in her
arms. The tears were streaming down my face; they were tears of joy.
The thing about this experience was that I was aware that I was in the
church, I was aware that I was chanting during this experience, and I
also knew that once Krishna Das ended the chant, my Mom would be gone. I wanted
him to keep singing for the rest of the night. But as the chant ended,
I had to let go of the experience and bid my Mom good bye for now.
I saw Krishna Das again in Seattle in 2006, and also in Vancouver, BC and Seattle in 2007. In Seattle, I once again made contact with my Mom. I
was trying to experience her once again, and during the Seattle
evening, Krishna Das said something about not forcing things. He said that a
flower doesn't have to be forced to bloom, it just does. That struck me
as I realized that I was trying too hard to contact my Mom again. I knew
I had to let go and just let it happen, if it was going to.
During the final chant of the evening, it happened. And this time, I
spoke to my Mom, my Dad, and my sister. I told them all the things that I
needed to say and that they needed to hear. And I felt so at
peace. After kirtan was over, I waited to talk to Krishna Das and
asked him how this was possible. He said "I don't know, I just sing"
and we both laughed. But then he said that I must have needed to talk
to my Mom, and said "yes I did." And I gave him a big hug.
Chanting has filled a void in my life and has helped me overcome a lot
of things that I thought I'd never overcome. I've changed my lifestyle
totally since I started chanting (resulting in a 100+ pound weight loss, thus far) and am now living a much healthier and
happier life. (For more about that,
click here.) Who ever thought that buying a CD could have such an impact
on one's life? I have all of Krishna Das' CDs now. I especially love his new
CD "Flow of Grace" and have spent a lot of time trying to learn the Hanuman Chalisa. I have also enriched my chanting with CDs from others such as Wah, Ty Burhoe, Ragani, and most recently, Yofiyah, who chants in Hebrew. Having been to Israel twice, I find this amazingly beautiful! Check out her Kabbalah Kirtan CD.
Chanting has changed my life in so many ways. I wake up with the words
in the morning, and the last thing I do before I go to sleep is to
chant at least one song. I can't imagine going through a day
without chanting now, anymore than I could go through a day without
breathing. And I'm happy!
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